For all of you codependent-prone individuals out there, I am sure you’ve been desperately seeking answers to this life long riddle. It can be a very confusing existence being bound and imprisoned with codependency. People have lost significant relationships, prominent positions with their jobs, lost connection with their true selves, and consistently felt hopeless due to living their lives in active codependency.
The truth about any recovery process is this: You will need to come into acceptance that with any type of healing (speaking specifically on codependency) and you will need to acknowledge some information that could be beneficial when wanting to break free from this emotional vortex;
- This is a process. You are a work in progress. There is no end working on your spiritual, emotional, and mental health. What you are trying to achieve when dealing with codependency is learning to keep it at bay and to manage it by practicing recovery tools specifically for this challenge.
- Patience- Patience is not something that can necessarily come naturally with people. Patience is very much so an action word. If you have no patience (and no acceptance) with yourself, no wonder you find it just as difficult to have patience for anyone else around you (hence that gnawing need to control everything). Not practicing patience is living a life outside the present moment. Serenity is found in the present moment. That’s why when life doesn’t go our way, it’s because we have consciously or subconsciously created an expectation on life and set limitations for it. THE TRUTH: We are on the universes clock. Codpendent-prone individuals believe they are in control when realistically they (and all other humans) can only control 3 things:
- Attitude
- Outlook
- Actions
Keys To Recovery Newspaper (www.keystorecoverynewspaper.com) discussed in an article recently one of the most significant traits codependents display- difficulty setting boundaries. When you’re in the midst of active codependency, your feelings are what matters, and it becomes an obsession of sorts. Other people’s feelings tend to be disregarded and not important to you. Trying to control others is a boundary violation- you are not only emotionally damaging that person, but you are taking an internal, emotional hit as well.
People who are educated on this topic believe that codependency is a relationship issue. And indeed it is. If we explore deeper, it’s not just a relationship problem with others- the real problem is with you.
Recovery from this requires a complete life change. THIS IS NOT AN OVERNIGHT MATTER! Remember, this is a life long journey! Recovering will help you reconnect to the true essence of self. With healing, you come to find your individuality takes form, your outlook becomes more realistic, and you begin to live by your true morals and values. You break free from living a life that others want you to live and you’ll notice you will not make unrealistic demands of others on how to live their lives.
A helpful exercise when trying to reestablish a relationship with self is to get out a piece of paper and make a list of beliefs (or old ideas) that you have adopted from other people in your life such as mom, dad, boyfriend, brother, sister, teacher, doctor, daughter, son, mentor, friend, etc.
On another piece of paper write down a list of beliefs that belong to YOU and nobody else. You will find this portion of the exercise to be a bit more challenging. I assure you that if you put time into it, you will put pen to paper and realize you do have your own personal belief system. Core means within-a core belief system comes from you and within yourself. If you have trouble finding any, create them. It’s your turn to create you- not allowing others to create you and you not creating what others should be. This healing process is about the true creation of you. It can be as simple as, “I believe in Dorito’s.” It’s something and it’s a start! Separating these two belief systems from one another and having it written down can help as a daily reminder to stay true to you and to keep close to your personal belief system. Using these as a spot check source can help you greatly. They will help you stay centered within yourself and will help you live a more peaceful lifestyle. It will also help as a source of separating others beliefs VS your beliefs. When you are conscious, aware, and in the moment, this creates a closer connection with self.
Many people seek 12 Step programs, helpful self-help books (my personal favorite writer on codependency is Melody Beattie) and therapy to maintain their recovery from codependency. This is highly recommended. Some of you will come to find you may seek inpatient treatment. It is a huge step in the right direction and it shows that you are ready for the codependent cleansing process! Not everyone will need the same healing and treatment, but if you seek help, the right answers will find you. Staying consistent will supply results.
